It wasn't the first time but it happened again today. We ran into old friends who didn't yet know we were adopting. I sent an email en-masse to close friends and family when we got on "the list" but of course there are a large number of new acquaintances and old friends who don't know.
"So when are you going to have another?"
"Well, actually we're in the process of adopting."
Why? Where from? When? How old will the child be? Will it be a girl? etc. etc.
I know this conversation is a million times easier than some we'll undoubtedly have once we are a transracial family, but still I get a strange feeling every time during the pause. As I say, "Yes, we're having a third" and people invariably look at my stomach and I have to quickly explain, "Nope not pregnant." And then, because we have two biological children I feel like I have to explain further why we're adopting. I feel the need to explain even when they don't ask, I don't know why. Maybe because some part of me feels guilty that we can have the ones we do and add another when some people are hoping so hard for just one.
But in any case, really none of my answers to the "why" seem to really encapsulate the true "why" of why we chose this route. It's true that the doctor recommended that we not have any more biological children (see, here I go again explaining) since I hemorrhaged after both boys' deliveries. But that's not really the entire story. The problem is that I don't know where it really begins, I'm not sure where the story starts. I know we'd talked about adoption before we ever had Gavin. I can't remember but it may even have been before we were married. Maybe it started with the book my Mom gave me that I loved as a child, "Kim: Gift from Vietnam", my interracial relationship in high school, Indian friends in New York, the study abroad in China, Greg's adopted sisters... I know they all had an effect. Yet I'm still not exactly sure how we got here or how we got to the moment of certainty that this would be how we would build our family. To be honest, most days it still doesn't feel quite real.
Then again I sometimes have to remind myself that I'm a grown up, that I have two children, it all still seems a bit unbelievable at times (of course those times are NOT during diaper changes or screeching fights over Optimus Prime). So maybe this is just par for the course, it all goes too fast to truly digest (yes I was that fourteen year old who was sad about turning fifteen because it seemed so much older).
How quickly the time goes.
Gavin Then (6-03)
Gavin Now
Jack Then (1-07)
Jack (Jack-in-the-Box) Now
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