We're on Our Way!

We're at the airport waiting for our first flight! The last 2 days have been such a blur of frenzied activity I haven't even had time to process. I was very sad to leave the boys but luckily they were happy and cheerily chanted 'Goodbye, Love you!' as we walked out the door.

No passport yet but I am oddly zen about it. Not worried at all. Although that'll probably change if Friday rolls around and we don't have it yet!

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers this week!

We'll be hugging and taking pictures of all the little ones on Friday!

This will probably be my last post here until we get back- indiaforlia.blogspot.com is where our pictures and travel posts will be!

Countdown Begins...

5 days until we leave!
The tickets are all booked, reservations made and paperwork sitting in its folder.
Somewhere beneath all of the frenzied activity we are excited and anxious and a little apprehensive but to be honest I rarely feel any of that at this point (it will probably hit somewhere on the 17 hour plane ride!) and am mostly consumed with my 'to do' list and wishing we weren't such procrastinators.

The one thing I do feel acutely is bone deep; it makes me want to cry- the ache of missing all 3 of my children. I have become somewhat accustomed to missing the 3rd who we will meet so soon but this feeling of missing my older two, knowing that we'll soon be temporarily separated from them, while they're sitting right beside me is novel and gut-wrenching. Honestly, my life revolves around these boys and we have never been away from them before (never even been away from Jack for an entire night). Yes, I know how pitiful this sounds and I know they will be fine and I only know this because the best mother in the world, who loves them as much as I do will be watching them- my mother. Without her I couldn't leave them, wouldn't.

And this sounds melodramatic, and it is (see Jack's dramatic throwing himself on the ground when I go to the grocery store without him, comes to him honestly!) except that I remember the amazing, awesome and huge transformation that took place when we went from one child to two. I loved my first child fiercely (and of course still do) and couldn't imagine anything ever coming between us. But the subtle change in our relationship when his brother was born, one that he maybe didn't even notice, was surprising to me. The smaller, defenseless child had to occasionally be defended against the older one, my attentions were split. I remember thinking in the weeks after Jack was born that no matter what I did I made somebody cry. Jack was a needy baby who wanted to be constantly held, if I didn't he cried. But Gavin was adjusting and sometimes jealous and also wanted to be held, if I didn't, he cried! It didn't last for long and their brotherly bond is totally worth it but the relationship with my first-born was forever changed by the addition of the second. So I have been holding them both especially close this week, breathing in the scent of their sweaty, sunshiney, stickiness and giving them more kisses than usual (and definitely more than they'd like!). I know that their little lives are once again about to go through an amazing, awesomely wonderful and also difficult transformation.

***p.s.- there's not much there yet, but I will be messing with you all and switching to a separate blog for our travels. It's more of a joint venture between both Greg and I and one we're going to share with our larger group of family and friends- most of whom don't know this blog exists.

So our travel pics and posts will be here- http://indiaforlia.blogspot.com/

Craziness! It's All a Blur!

**Update- we found out today that ICPC is done, we just need to print it out. So now we're really just waiting on passport! Yahoo!! Go North Carolina getting it done in less than a week!

Still here! I have just had too much swirling in my head to even begin to post! While this wait is infinitely easier than the wait for guardianship it has simply been overwhelming and downright crazy. The timing is odd- I have 100 papers to grade and final grade calculations to get done (and math is so not one of my strengths!) by friday. Yet all I can think about is travel planning and house preparation (yup the girl's room is STILL not done!! We bought the paint at least... somehow it will get done). So last night I stayed up till 1am- you'd think that was productive time- 5 good hours with children asleep- NOPE! I was restless and distracted and hardly got anything done (probably having 'Sex and the City' on in the background didn't help : ) and now all I have to show for it is achy legs and dark bags under my eyes! Yikes!

For those of you curious about the travel planning. Yup, we're being risky. We've gone back and forth and asked a million opinions and the best advice we got was follow your gut. Well, our hearts told us 'Get on a plane!' So we listened. Well, we're not literally getting on a plane right away but we're proceeding forward with the knowledge that we might face delays and end up in India longer than we'd planned if the passport takes more than 5 weeks (of course we'd appreciate any happy thoughts, prayers, toes & fingers crossed that all goes smoothly and this doesn't happen). We're working on an itinerary that will have us leaving the 18th (yup that's in 13 mere days, suddenly time is going too fast and too slow all at once) and returning the end of the month.

Still can't believe it's actually going to happen- I think I need to go watch Daya's homecoming video again- makes me cry and yearn for those darn steps every time!

Happy Dance Day.

HAPPY DANCE!!!

Yup, it's a happy day! My last day of class, Gavin's best friend Ethan's 6th birthday, the day after tax day and yes....

WE GOT GUARDIANSHIP TODAY!!!!!

And although it's from yesterday the happiness still carries over from these wonderful pictures of our teeny, sweet, little munchkin who we can't wait to see in person!


*** Edited to add- I was going to do a separate post on this but then recent events took over my brain! But I didn't want to forget to say- Thank you all so much for your sweet and encouraging words after my last post. We were at a time when it felt like it would never happen and I couldn't bear to even think about it. But your words were so truly uplifting (honestly I got a little teary- yup I have been pretty emotional lately- it really is like being pregnant crying at the drop of a hat!). I don't think I can convey how comforting your words were!

Update of Sorts

No real news. Some new pictures though. Thanks Jyoti!

I've been sort of semi- absent from the online world of late, partly by design and partly by chance.

Reading and thinking too much about India or the adoption world makes me a bit too emotional these days (believe it or not I haven't even bought a thing for travel or for Lia in weeks- unusual for me who finds comfort in planning!). The wait gets harder as it extends out and we try to cling to the knowledge that it will happen someday.

By sheer coincidence or perhaps by subconscious need for distraction we've thrown ourselves into all kinds of projects and activities. It's soccer season around here and as a lifelong player I am also coaching Gavin's team for the second year in a row. I've also been recruited into the PTA for Gavin's school. I have very mixed feelings about the school but ultimately decided if I want change I should be part of it (much to Greg's and even my own partial dismay since it's a big time commitment) and ultimately accepted the nomination to be on the board. It's also the end of the spring semester which for me means lots of exam designing, and grading of papers, portfolios, and presentations. We've also been paperchasing again- the homestudy update actually required more financial documents than our original homestudy due to the changes that came along with the I-800 (even though we're grandfathered into the old process, some of the new requirements for the updates carried over to us). And perhaps the biggest decision has been that we've decided to add an addition onto the house- a sunroom/playroom and covered patio- so we've been reviewing plans and making decisions with our contractor.

But I am still here and not going anywhere, still hopeful (most days) and just trying to hang in there.

A Lesson in Humility.

Well, today is the day we didn't get the call. Instead we got the dreaded email- judge wasn't there so no approval and more delay. No idea how long we will wait for another court date, it took us 7 weeks to get this one. It's funny how even though you know it's a possibility and you've mourned for others as you've seen it happen to them- you never think it's going to happen to YOU! Well, reality check, it did. We are now on the train of missed court dates- we hope it's a short one since it's a depressing ride.

So, on this "one of those days", that if I'm honest, makes me want to crawl into bed and start over again tomorrow, I've had to find strength and hope even though I didn't really want to.

I have been humbled by gentle reminders that others have had the strength and patience to follow this journey with grace and hope. For all the adoptive parents that have waited or are currently waiting I have found strength in you today!

I have also been reminded to be thankful for all the luck and blessings we have received. Love and friends and sweet little boys. And though she is not with us yet and we mourn the lost time, we have also been blessed with a sweet little girl we can't wait to get to know.

Finding the End of the Rainbow

And this my friends is why I can't wait to have 3, maybe even four someday, of these sweet little creatures. Total cuteness.



(Notice the "3 Leaf Clover". He swore there was an invisible 4th leaf. I had no idea he had incorporated so much of St. Patty's day into his little head, even though I'm ridiculously Irish we don't actually talk about it much.)

He had just gotten off the school bus and ran directly to the backyard (it's been raining here for almost four straight days- I was that happy to see the sun this afternoon too!). He came to the back door and yelled in to me (now mind you since I was in the bathroom and Jack was asleep I could have done without the yelling!) "Mama can we go find the end of the rainbow?" I finally made it to the back door, "What?" I was looking around, "What rainbow?" He was clearly exasperated with me at this point, "THE rainbow, Mom. The one with the leprechauns and the pot of gold. Let's hop in the car and go find it." The best part, he was totally sincere.


This is the only time of day that this child is still. And even then it's not for long, but look at those sweet baby cheeks!


My Sweet Little Leprechauns...