June 4th

June 4th. I am trying so hard to remember where we were, what we were doing. It seems impossible that on this day, which is now and will ever be so important to our family, I don't remember anything significant happening, any intuition about what was happening on the other side of the world. That a woman I will never meet was selflessly giving birth to the sweet baby who will be my daughter.

It was a Wednesday. Two days after my 33rd birthday. Gavin was out of school for the year, I was done with my work for the semester, so I was probably home alone with the boys. Maybe headed up to the pool, it was the first week it was open. Jack was sick a lot in June, maybe we stopped by the pediatrician's office, maybe he was on antibiotics- I think I was tired on my birthday from staying up with him all night. In the past years this was our beach week, the first week of June, with 3 other families we're close to. But we skipped it this year, saving money for adoption expenses. Gavin's 5th birthday was coming up; we might've shopped at Party City for Speedracer party supplies. We might've had an appointment with his ENT- he was getting his adenoids out in just a few weeks. We probably had burgers or grilled chicken; I'm always enthralled with the ease of the grill during the first few weeks of summer.

Everything we've done since June 4th suddenly has new meaning. Was she smiling for the first time while we were at Carowinds? Being rocked to sleep while we were watching t.v. or eating lunch, while I was rocking Jack to sleep thousands of miles away? Summers are a lazy affair around here, I don't work and we bum around outside and at the pool a lot. So I have so little to go back and look at, to figure out where we were on all those dates in August and September when she was examined by doctors, when her paperwork was zipping across the ocean.

Right now I'm sitting here and it's 11:27 pm (EST) so it's mid-morning there. And I think she must be playing, watching those around her or maybe taking a little snooze. Wish I had some kind of x-ray vision that would let me spy on her across the globe or superhero vocal abilities so I could whisper softly in her ear that we're coming. It's going to take too long but we are coming. The acceptance paperwork is ready to go out via Fedex tomorrow- one step closer baby girl.