Touch the Stars

Don't the most lovely, thoughtful moments come as you're rocking your children to sleep? At least mine do.  That might be why I cling to their sleepy bodies and rock them when they're really too big to fit on my lap quite right. May also be why they have sleep issues (they both would a million times rather sleep in our bed with us than alone).  Greg was actually hoping that our daughter would break the trend someday as he assumed she probably wouldn't be coddled to sleep everyday (I haven't broken to him quite yet that adopted children often have nightmares during adjustment and beyond and that I'm planning on cuddling this one to death someday too once I get my hands on her). 

My darling husband was a studio art major and I have completely surrendered the decorations of my children's rooms to him.  He paints wonderful, colorful backdrop murals and designs the furniture to go with the theme.  Anyway, Jack has a jungle in his room but in the top corner there is a moon and stars done in glow-in-the-dark paint.  The last few nights after I've turned out the lights Jack has demanded, "Touch stars. I touch stars."  I am not really tall enough to make this happen. I have to sort of angle him way above my head and he has to reach way up high to sort of come close. 

But once his fingers have brushed the star pinpoints he has happily settled his head in my arms, content to close his eyes and sing along to "Twinkle Twinkle".  And I sit there and stare at his sweet little curls and his pink little mouth stumbling over the words but always getting out "star" and "are".  And I say to myself, "Remember this moment." Although I know I probably won't.  I wonder if I will look back on his wedding day or his graduation and think of his soft baby curls, his first ventures into language and independence.  I try so hard not to pigeon-hole the boys into personalities, although I feel myself slipping into this a bit.  But this stubborn, determined little snuggler, I can just see how he might be someday- a wonderful mix of dedication and intuitiveness.

I can't believe it has been 4 months that we have been on the adoption waiting list.  While we're anxious to complete the process, at the same time I want to slow it all down and remember each moment (remember we're not at the torturous waiting yet, I can still think like this for now : ) I want to savor my little one before he seems big in comparison (I remember this happening with Gavin when Jack was born, his shirts suddenly seemed huge.)